My first STD was from a foam party
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
