He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want to be your penis for a week.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
