You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
