I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
