He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
