i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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