shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
