I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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