I just saw a hot homeless man
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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