I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
