Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
