Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
