I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
A bitchslap is in order.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
