So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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