every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
