i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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