Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
