good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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