Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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