Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
