Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
