thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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