well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
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I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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