I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
