I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
