My hair reeks of homosexuality.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
