My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
