he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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