it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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