i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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