where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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