is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
