like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm like, not good at living.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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