Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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