Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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