so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
