I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
