Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
