the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
