Non-Jews are for practice
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
