Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
