Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
