Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
