Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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