I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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