I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
