i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
