I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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