I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
