yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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