I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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