remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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