A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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