Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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