So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
