living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My penis needs a shock collar
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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