If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
