Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
