Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
