She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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