Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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