Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
