haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
