I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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