So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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