I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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