I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
