420 ftw
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
