you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
