dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
