this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize