Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
