You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
