yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
