if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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